CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER, NIGHTLY, FIVE

Last night, a man who is famous for reasons known only to himself, was evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother House. The self-styled Heavy D is large, obnoxious and has apparently forged some sort of notoriety by shouting ‘Boom’ at every available opportunity. Dorothy Parker he is not.

Most of the housemates looked mightily relieved at his departure. When food and sleep are in short supply, the last thing you need is a Grizzly bear lookalike with volume control issues.

One man who wasn’t glad to see him go was the one who is actually called Bear. This particular nonentity(and former roofer) is allegedly famous for appearing on reality show Ex On The Beach. For the best part of three weeks now he has shown himself up to be a mean-minded, attention seeking wind-up merchant with no boundaries and no soul. And, according to the bookies HE’S THE FAVOURITE TO WIN!

While Brexit might have left you reeling and Donald Trump’s bid to be American president grows more grotesque by the day, this hideous, dead-eyed sociopath’s status as number one should have you questioning the sanity of the nation.

Really people? Really? Whatever depths some reality shows sink to, the saving grace has always been the voting public’s ability to see through the craven, the fake and the desperate to win at all costs. This man has bullied, goaded and consistently displayed the impulse control and boundaries of a two-year-old.

There is to be a double eviction on Friday. Bear’s tarnished brass neck is on the chopping block. In the name of all that is just and good and worth fighting for, send this soulless sociopath back under the rock from which he crawled.

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